Monday, October 27, 2008


Just to tell you a little bit about myself I seem to be the person in my family that everyone dumps their problems on and I'm suppose to fix them, this used to be cute but now it's getting uncontrollable to the point that I'm sending myself into anxiety attacks and because I'm dealing with everyone else problems no one is helping me with mine which of course makes my anxiety attacks worse.

Anyway I received a call from my father at work on Friday which is quite surprising since he doesn't really have access to a phone while working, it was quite a pleasant conversion and I actually liked it but he had to go and ruin it by ending the conversation with "I have a question to ask you...will talk about it later".....Who the fuck says stuff like that and then hangs up. So now I'm worried something major is going on that I'm some how going to wind up being responsibly to fix.....since it always seems to wind up that way. I was so pissed off that I almost immediately called my mother to rant. In the past my father would include me in family problems but not tell my mom so I have been going out of my way to make sure she is included so he would have to actually talk to her about these things. So I called my mother and just started in on my father about how it was inappropriate to call me at work with bull shit problems, about the way he ended the conversion, why he thought I should be the one fixing the problem, why he still doesn't talk to her and so on and so forth, I felt very good at the end but what bothered me the most was I started crying halfway into the conversion because of the position he put me in.......I was disappointed in myself I thought I had gotten over the overly panicked feeling I get when these situations come up but obviously I have more work to do on myself.

I begrudgingly can help my father but I'm not happy about it and so I told him that I'm helping him under protest and he is inconveniencing me and told him this while in front of my mother so she is kept in the loop. If I had a stronger backbone I would have told him this was the last time I was going to help or something like that but I figure I should work on baby steps so I don't freak myself out again. Oh the DRAMA.

Anyway on Sunday I took my best friend out for her birthday lunch and chatted for a couple of hours, she is 5 months pregnant with her first baby and is loving it I'm so excited for her we both think she is having a girl and on November 4th she is getting one of those 3d ultrasound (a birthday gift from hubby) and then she will find out what she is having, originally she didn't want to know but has since changed her mind and I get to know too. I found the cuties little girls outfit at the mall on Saturday that I want to buy for her but I can't get it until I know what she is having.

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