Monday, December 21, 2009

Heavy Heart

I have such a heavy heart today, we (my parents & I) made the decision to put pookie down. It's like there was an invisible switch that got hit during the first week of November and she went downhill from there, it was so bad she literally was vanishing in front of our eyes, the weight was just falling off. We had been feeding her baby food by syringe for awhile now to give her more nutrients and for the past 5 days that's all she has been eating. We were having to carry her outside to do her business because she was having difficult walking and would no longer jump on her little benches we had beside my bed and the couch (to help her get up) and I think the final straw for me was her constantly swaying back and forth and pained/dazed look on her face like she didn't know where she was. We had discussed waiting until after Christmas but as my mom said the stress of all the family get togethers would be to much for her and making her wait would just be cruel, she doesn't like a lot of people around because everyone is so much bigger then her so she usually hides in a basket of blankets we have but with her not walking very well I was afraid she would trip and break something. So at around 3:00 pm she peaceful went to sleep in my Dad arms with her favorite blanket around her. I'm glad I got to spend really good cuddle time with her last night so I could say my good byes privately.

I went to work today to keep my mind occupied but I really don't think it was a good idea and I'm having a really hard time now that I'm home walking into my room where there are signs of her everywhere. I don't think I have every love someone as much as I loved my little pookie bear who was hand delivered to us at 6 months old and lived to be 15 years old.

I just hurt all over.........

4 comments:

Rachel S said...

I am so sorry to hear about her loss. I hope you remember the good times with her, and that she is free now, and I hope that gives comfort.

Hugs for you.

Daffycat said...

Oh how terrible for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. ***hugs***

Irene said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, right decisions are so hard to make.

Rowyn said...

So sorry to read about your loss. It is always hard to lose a loved one.